When I think of my married life with inlaws the first thing that comes to mind is the TV show "Everybody loves Raymond". Yes we live next door to my parents , actually we live in their house and they live in the granny flat in the back . It all started when they received their mission call and asked us if we wanted to stay in their house while they were gone so we could continue to save for a house of our own. This was great and we were happy to move in , only that was now almost 5 years ago and last I checked a mission call for couples is not that long. After my parents came home they said we could stay longer and still save , my husband was hesitant but at the same time we still did not have enough saved here to buy a home so we stayed saying it would be only a year longer. While I am very grateful for this opportunity I do know that its time for us to leave soon . My mum is the classic "Marie Barone" from Everybody loves Raymond , she is all the time just coming over and sometimes interfering with parent matters or commenting about the state of the house etc. I just wish she would come over with as many cakes and meals as the mother in law does in this Tv show.
So what we have learned about inlaws is to have boundaries for both parties. My dad doesn't love it when noisy kids are all the time over at his place and my husband doesn't like it when he comes home from work to find his mother in law in the house. There seems to be a lot of young/younger couples moving back with their parents now to save money as it is not as easy to get a home as it once was.
When it comes down to it we are lucky to have inlaws who have helped us out financially , we are lucky to have inlaws a country away who have always been supportive of us and although for a time were a little pushy trying to get us to move back over there which was affecting our marriage , they have backed off now and we have all accepted this is where our family is. This only happened after my husband stood his ground and we both stopped listening to outside sources including inlaws to make our decisions what was right for our family. This was a hard thing to do, as learnt in the readings we have all been brought up with family rules . However I was brought up in a home where my parents let me make the choices , but I knew they were there to come too if I needed help and I do not mean that just financially.
I absolutely see the importance of cleaving unto your husband but I also know how important and special inlaws are and that accepting each other with their old family rules and your new family rules you have made together with your husband is the bond that can make this relationship stronger if you can compromise and find a way that works for all of you. I loved in Poduskas reading "Love cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love , the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expression of gratitude , and the consideration of unselfishness"1. This stood out to me and made me think not only of my own marriage but also the relationships with my inlaws and how they also need to be showed gratitude and unselfishness . God gave us families for a reason and the relationship with our inlaws can be great blessing in our lives , boundaries are important but so is being open to new opportunities.
1. Poduska,B.(2000). Til debt do us part, Chapter 2. Salt Lake City, Utah shadow mountain
When it comes down to it we are lucky to have inlaws who have helped us out financially , we are lucky to have inlaws a country away who have always been supportive of us and although for a time were a little pushy trying to get us to move back over there which was affecting our marriage , they have backed off now and we have all accepted this is where our family is. This only happened after my husband stood his ground and we both stopped listening to outside sources including inlaws to make our decisions what was right for our family. This was a hard thing to do, as learnt in the readings we have all been brought up with family rules . However I was brought up in a home where my parents let me make the choices , but I knew they were there to come too if I needed help and I do not mean that just financially.
I absolutely see the importance of cleaving unto your husband but I also know how important and special inlaws are and that accepting each other with their old family rules and your new family rules you have made together with your husband is the bond that can make this relationship stronger if you can compromise and find a way that works for all of you. I loved in Poduskas reading "Love cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love , the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expression of gratitude , and the consideration of unselfishness"1. This stood out to me and made me think not only of my own marriage but also the relationships with my inlaws and how they also need to be showed gratitude and unselfishness . God gave us families for a reason and the relationship with our inlaws can be great blessing in our lives , boundaries are important but so is being open to new opportunities.
1. Poduska,B.(2000). Til debt do us part, Chapter 2. Salt Lake City, Utah shadow mountain
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