The most important ideas that stick out in my mind after all the readings this week is how all infidelity in marriage it is not always a sexual thing . When you think about a spouse cheating or having an affair the first thing that comes to mind is just as the media and movies perceive that of secret meetings at Hotel rooms , working back late with secretaries, secret meetings of any kind that include sexual intimacy with someone who is not their spouse. However the readings shared a different light on this, that infidelity is not always of a sexual nature , one of the quotes that stood out to me was from Ezra Taft Benson "A good question to ask ourselves is this : would my spouse be pleased to know if he or she knew I was doing this? would a wife be pleased to know that her husband lunches alone with his secretary? Would a husband be pleased if he saw his wife flirting and being coy with another man? My beloved brothers and sisters this is what paul men at when he said "Abstain from all appearance of evil " (1Thessalonians 5:22)
This is a subject close to home to me as I have seen close friends and family go through this in their marriage. One instance I will share as an example. It started off with mutual friends the wife texting the husband of the other marriage while she was watching a tv show alone ,that they both had in common which was on at the time , this was after midnight and in the most part seemed harmless they were both awake and watching the same show . Only this wasn't harmless as the initial contact had been made and this led to text messages about the show , which led to messages about things happening in their life etc . Although nothing sexual or flirty was happening the main thing here with regards to the quote above by Ezra Taft Benson is it was all secret , their spouses weren't in on the conversations as well and it was affecting them turning to their spouses for day to day conversation because all the interaction had been through text messages with each other through out the day. When you don't have that connection emotionally and when your spouse isn't the first person you think of going to , then the need to be together intimately is in jeopardy. The wife of the other couple began to turn to this man for advice , she started fishing for compliments on her appearance and started to rely on this friendship that was secret and wrong.
To make a long story short Satan did not win this battle fortunately the wife of the husband saw the skype messages, text messages, beeps on the computer etc when her husband was in the shower and this brought it all out to the surface , the husband apologised and said he felt trapped as they were mutual friends and he had tried to end the conversations but the other wife wouldn't stop. I'm not saying the husband was innocent in this at all even as he tried to stop it and I know that it is not all the other wife's fault either. The fact is not the matter who was more invested in these messages and interactions ,the fact is it should have stopped from the first text message and both spouses should have been open to their husband or wives and shared the very first message and how strange it was that they would be texting them, how it didn't feel right and that they wanted to share it so there were no secrets.. This would of stopped a situation that could of destroyed two families from happening. These were two temple married families with children and they were close friends who went on vacations together and spent most weekends together playing games all while these secret interactions were happening . This friendship is dissolved now and boundaries were set after heartbreak and broken trust. It put a lot of caution and strain on one marriage and has taken a lot of forgiveness to come back from and caused self esteem issues with the wife. The proper repentance process took place and thankfully the couple seem stronger than ever now and have learnt from this.
The attack on the family continues to get stronger and stronger every day with all the influences and media available at our fingertips. I absolutely love that quote mentioned above from Ezra Taft Benson it kind of reminds me of the savior and the question would we do/watch/ listen /message the things we do if the Savior were beside us. Its all about integrity /loyalty you have to your spouse who you have promised yourself to. There should be no secret messages, interactions and we should ask ourselves "would my spouse be pleased if he saw the way I was acting right now towards this person, would he pleased if he read the messages I shared with this person, would my spouse be ok if he knew how much I wanted to see this other person to share my ups and downs with , instead of coming to him. This quote by President Howard W Hunter emphasizes this "Be faithful in your marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed" "Pornography, flirtations and unwholesome fantasies erode ones character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage. Unity and trust within a marriage are thereby destroyed."
The story I shared thankfully had a happy ending but, unfortunately I do know of marriages who have not survived infidelity of any nature and secrets. I do know of marriages where Satan has won the battle and eternal families have been destroyed. With the attack on the family so real we need to fortify our marriages and homes by staying true to the covenants we have made to the lord and to our spouse and when temptation comes our way turn to the lord and to our spouse and stop it before it leads to infidelity and heart ache.
This is a subject close to home to me as I have seen close friends and family go through this in their marriage. One instance I will share as an example. It started off with mutual friends the wife texting the husband of the other marriage while she was watching a tv show alone ,that they both had in common which was on at the time , this was after midnight and in the most part seemed harmless they were both awake and watching the same show . Only this wasn't harmless as the initial contact had been made and this led to text messages about the show , which led to messages about things happening in their life etc . Although nothing sexual or flirty was happening the main thing here with regards to the quote above by Ezra Taft Benson is it was all secret , their spouses weren't in on the conversations as well and it was affecting them turning to their spouses for day to day conversation because all the interaction had been through text messages with each other through out the day. When you don't have that connection emotionally and when your spouse isn't the first person you think of going to , then the need to be together intimately is in jeopardy. The wife of the other couple began to turn to this man for advice , she started fishing for compliments on her appearance and started to rely on this friendship that was secret and wrong.
To make a long story short Satan did not win this battle fortunately the wife of the husband saw the skype messages, text messages, beeps on the computer etc when her husband was in the shower and this brought it all out to the surface , the husband apologised and said he felt trapped as they were mutual friends and he had tried to end the conversations but the other wife wouldn't stop. I'm not saying the husband was innocent in this at all even as he tried to stop it and I know that it is not all the other wife's fault either. The fact is not the matter who was more invested in these messages and interactions ,the fact is it should have stopped from the first text message and both spouses should have been open to their husband or wives and shared the very first message and how strange it was that they would be texting them, how it didn't feel right and that they wanted to share it so there were no secrets.. This would of stopped a situation that could of destroyed two families from happening. These were two temple married families with children and they were close friends who went on vacations together and spent most weekends together playing games all while these secret interactions were happening . This friendship is dissolved now and boundaries were set after heartbreak and broken trust. It put a lot of caution and strain on one marriage and has taken a lot of forgiveness to come back from and caused self esteem issues with the wife. The proper repentance process took place and thankfully the couple seem stronger than ever now and have learnt from this.
The attack on the family continues to get stronger and stronger every day with all the influences and media available at our fingertips. I absolutely love that quote mentioned above from Ezra Taft Benson it kind of reminds me of the savior and the question would we do/watch/ listen /message the things we do if the Savior were beside us. Its all about integrity /loyalty you have to your spouse who you have promised yourself to. There should be no secret messages, interactions and we should ask ourselves "would my spouse be pleased if he saw the way I was acting right now towards this person, would he pleased if he read the messages I shared with this person, would my spouse be ok if he knew how much I wanted to see this other person to share my ups and downs with , instead of coming to him. This quote by President Howard W Hunter emphasizes this "Be faithful in your marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed" "Pornography, flirtations and unwholesome fantasies erode ones character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage. Unity and trust within a marriage are thereby destroyed."
The story I shared thankfully had a happy ending but, unfortunately I do know of marriages who have not survived infidelity of any nature and secrets. I do know of marriages where Satan has won the battle and eternal families have been destroyed. With the attack on the family so real we need to fortify our marriages and homes by staying true to the covenants we have made to the lord and to our spouse and when temptation comes our way turn to the lord and to our spouse and stop it before it leads to infidelity and heart ache.
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